Article
One: Emotional Intelligence – principle 4 – OTHERS by
Gaynor Lowndes
I discussed in my last article the principle of resilience. We know that emotions play a far greater role in our interaction with others than we first imagined and we also know that we have the freedom to choose our response to any given situation. Let’s now look at the arrow principles again.
Emotional Intelligence can be defined using ARROW:
Awareness – Being aware of how your personality impacts others
Restraint – Identifying negative emotions that can cause damage
Resilience – Developing an optimistic, persistent nature
Others (empathy) – Developing an emotional radar
Working with others (rapport) – Communication, active listening
Others (empathy) essentially entails developing an “emotional radar” – learning the skills required to be a better listener and observer of others and situations. When we are doing most of the talking, it is very difficult to observe the client, candidate or prospect. The first step in developing emotional radar is to recognise the personality style of the person you are dealing with and to communicate with that person in the way he/she feels most comfortable with.
Using the DISC personality profiling system, we can identify 4 main personality styles – director, influencer, stabiliser and conscientious. The director is the fast talking, bottom line driven entrepreneur. The influencer personality is the talkative, likeable, gregarious type. The stabiliser is the team player who puts the stability of the team before anything else and the conscientious is the controlled, process driven individual who is mainly interested in systems and methodology to produce a quality outcome.
Imagine the outcome when you have a director selling in his/her natural style to a conscientious style. The sale would probably not happen because the conscientious wants to know about your processes and the director wants you to get excited that the end result will come!
Remember that people buy from people they like; people buy from people like them. By developing your skills in empathy, you will avoid “telling” rather than “selling”. That’s good for you and good for your business!
Developing empathy is about developing active listening skills. That’s where you really focus on what is being said to. How many of us are thinking of what we are going to say next rather than focussing on what is being said to us? Practice the following skills to become an expert at actively listening:
1. Attentive body language – use appropriate body language to show focus and involvement. Maintain eye contact and provide a non-distracting environment.
2. Following skills – provide friendly clues to invite communication. Ask questions infrequently and use lots of attentive silences.
3. Reflecting skills – use paraphrasing to establish that you have heard and understood the facts and summarise periodically.
Empathy is about “walking in the other person’s shoes.”
Ask yourself if you really take the time to try and understand others. Do you “actively listen” at every opportunity?
Empathetic individuals are sincere in their approach to others - they genuinely care.
Those skilled in using empathy watch, listen and then show the face they want you to see. They pay a great deal of attention to the reaction to their communication and if required, adjust their method accordingly.
Gaynor Lowndes, the Managing Director of The Recruitment Training Company, has over 18 years recruitment experience, gained in both Australia and the UK. Her first book called “the Art of Recruitment” is quickly becoming the recruiter’s bible. It is available on her website
www.trtc.com.au
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