The Apprentice – Week Four Roundup

As we reach a third of the way through the series, it’s quite unusual that everything is quite as open and to play for as it is this year. Normally at this point you could more or less put your hat on 3-4 who have a realistic chance, and a good four that have no hope. This year however other than ‘Jedi’ Jim, no one has really shot to the forefront and stood out thus far. There are of course a few we know can’t win.  Edna, the business psychologist for example, stands little hope, unless Lord Sugar fancies opening Amsbondage and wants her to be CEO (Chief ‘Execution’ Officer), strutting around in elbow high gloves and ruling with a leather fist. Vincent equally is not looking like having much of a say in the outcome either, unless he has a plan to release a new form of Ronsil Woodstain, slapping on some more Piz Buin and stating ‘it does exactly what it says on my skin’. Consequently, it’s all to play for, making it rather exciting.

The task this week is to establish cosmetic businesses in a shopping centre, and both Felicity and Zoe are forced into being project managers, which is never a good sign. Zoe is rubbing her hands together with glee at this point as she has Susie, the UK’s leading expert in the cosmetic industry (according to Susie). Now there is something I never really get in the show, and that is why do candidates actively promote themselves as experts in something? If I were an expert in cosmetics for example, surely playing it down would mean you look amazing when you do well. Instead however, Susie leaves herself open to nothing but criticism, as through consistently hammering home her expertise, she becomes expected to do well, and anything less will be deemed a failure.

The teams have the task of picking beauty treatments and already you get the sense that this will form the most crucial part of the task, with the treatments commanding high profit margins against some rather naff products they’ll be flogging on the day. Equally important are the locations, and upon pointing out to Felicity that Westfield has more treatment rooms, she quickly shoots him down, as she obviously knows this already and is going to pick…..oh no wait she picked the other one. Both teams also realise that the spray tan is the treatment to win, yet whilst Susan, to her credit, engages with the supplier with a sickly yet endearing  jubilance, Felicity opts for a charm offensive which has about as much passion as a I imagine I might feel if someone asked me to take a cheese grater to my scrotum. Unsurprisingly she misses out, and in the process, probably goes along way to losing the task.

On the day of sales themselves there were four things that to me stood out and ultimately eclipsed everything else. Firstly, Susie having a bit of a mare and ordering enough skincare products to spruce up the whole of Essex for a year, and then being gob-smacked that they couldn’t sell them all in an afternoon. Secondly, Leon’s bizarrely creepy yet oddly successful little finger sales trick.  I shudder to think where he learnt that.  Thirdly, Jim’s terrifying expression as he braces himself to give a couple of fellas a rub down.  And finally, and most costly of all, the calamitous error in focussing on the easier sell in Felicity’s camp, i.e. the cheaper throwaway products, rather than the treatments. I do feel that Ellie’s sub-team could have been quicker to react, as it is the easiest thing to do, to hide away and moan rather than quickly addressing a problem. Also Tom’s attempts at selling hair products once he did eventually move were a hilarious, resembling a drunken granddad at a wedding. Yet ultimately the main fault was with Felicity, who really should have had a tighter grip on what was going on, and had a strategy straight away that focussed solely on selling treatments, using the hair extension things as a way of making a few extra quid from those who booked a massage.

Back in the boardroom, the results revealed that neither team shone through, but whilst Zoe’s did at least make some profit, Felicity came home with a loss, which, in my experience, will always lead to a firing for a PM.  I think that whilst Susie did make some mistakes in the winning team, and probably should’ve owned up to it more, she also was ganged up on a little bit by others in the winning team who were looking to ensure that they if they were in the losing team they wouldn’t get fired. But as they won it did in the end only serve to probably create some interesting clashes of personality for latter weeks. Back in the boardroom, it really wasn’t going to make much difference who she brought in as I think her number was up. Jim showed signs too of possibly getting a touch complacent when defending his performance. Frankly if bringing in £14 of sales is his idea of bringing in the cavalry, then let’s hope he steers clear of any notions of a future involving military service. Tom and Vincent must also be feeling a little edgy now having not won a task yet. I do sympathise a bit with Tom, as I don’t think he’s been much to blame on most occasions, and also found myself losing many a task when often things were beyond my control. With Vincent on the other hand, well the fact he was actually one of the better performers in this team probably goes to show you just how badly they did.

 Felicity however opted to bring in no-nonsense northerner Ellie, and seasoned recruiter Natasha, into the boardroom, and was probably unfortunate that both are strong personalities who perform rather well in defending themselves. Both in my view probably need to step-it up a bit on task as they do have a tendency to only show up when analysing what’s happened, yet, there was no doubt in my mind that the right person went. The fact that neither girl even said goodbye is a good indicator of how popular she was, and really she never got to grips with managing a team, instead opting to patronise certain team-mates, particularly the nutty professor Tom. Another task and I’m still none the clearer as to who might win. And I imagine deep down that Lord Sugar was secretly quite pleased that neither team performed well in setting up their own cosmetic business.  After all, I can’t see him relishing the thought of rolling those sleeves up and applying a sea shell massage should the business start failing.