Billie Graham of Cranberry Panda has been watching The Apprentice on our behalf and for your entertainment. These are most of the ones she has reviewed so far; Setting the tone in episode’s one and two, Episode 3: the one with the poxy boxy and the sales orgasm, Episode 4: the one with the milkshakes and the fruity cow…, Episode 5: the one without data roaming in Dubai and Episode 6: the one with the £300 plastic flamingo. Louise’s from UK Recruiter had to do one The Apprentice 2013 Episode 8: the one where Louise had to write the review… and then Billie was back with The Apprentice 2013 Episode 9: the one with the meals on wheels and a ‘popty ping’
This is insane. The remaining five are finally put through an interview process (torn to shreds) by four of Al’s trustee steads. Al you’re doing it all wrong, homeboy. You’re supposed to interview them first not 11 weeks later. But the good news is that three of them are fired in this episode!
Once I’d got over the shock of the candidates using laptops and not the yellow pages, I realised we were going to hear their business plans in detail. Francesca wants to reinvent zumba, Luisa wants to be Mrs Kipling, Neil wants to reinvent Gumtree, Leah wants to inject everyone with botox and Jordan, well his business plan, isn’t his. It has taken 11 weeks to figure out that Jordan is a fake; he deserved to be on this shameful show and absolutely no prizes for guessing who the first to be fired is.
During the interview the zumba chick mixes up turnover and profit. Claiming she turned over £5million, protests “it was a number that came into my head.” If only all businesses ran like this…
The guy whose business plan isn’t his, tried to negotiate Al down from 50% to 15% in a company that he doesn’t own. Bloody TV Gold.
Al fires half-pint Jordan first, then Neil the Gumtree dude and then Zumba Francesca. So we’re left with cakes and botox…
The good news is that there is only one week left, beautiful people! Join in with our game, it’s the only way to see an episode through!
Quote of the week: Al talking about the cake business; “I’m not going to spend hundreds and thousand on hundreds and thousands“
Business lessons Learnt:
1. Don’t EVER lie on your cv: it will come back to bite you on your arse.
2. Before injecting cash into a business, read their business plan first; it could potentially save you 11 weeks of unnecessary pain.
3. If Companies House don’t know you, you are NOT the co-founder of said company!
4. Generally, writing down numbers that come magically into your head is not a good way to report your business’s turnover.
